awaited results part 1

Sun was now somewhere in the heart of the firmament, obviously I don’t love the Sun that much but want to mention time, It looks like literary !! My room mates stirred up till now and found me awake, not the new thing to discern about. It’s one from my customary passionate wild practices I had in me, so I was mistreated,

And me ???? I was still judging again and again those sent messages. With no statutory but emotional reason was trying to keep my mind out of it. Every transitory second was slaughtering me with most of its vigor inside that pumping machine, I have within me. Is she going to retort?? Or she is not any longer interested to even snoop me, now  believes were getting more and more negative. Is she not a morsel interested in me? .............

Bullshit!! why don’t I give her a call asking about it, if she hadn’t noticed my messages then, May be she is not going to reply me even then. The wrestling of thoughts was going harder in my mind and my balls were trailing out of restlessness and I was like pissing inside my pants. So I impatiently picked my phone and clogged, what if she denies? But still my intolerance was a lot greater than above all and I dialed 98xx9xxx65. Yes in just few days I am remembering her number though.

It connected and her phone was busy. Now!!!! So she had become aware of all the messages and didn’t respond me. All clashes within me ended, with immense heartbreak which I even heeded hard than any voice, now? She is not at all responsive as I wrote to be in one of those messages. She is not affirmative she even didn’t want me around so she is not going to reply.

I kept my phone revolving in my palms and thinking about it, precisely not thinking but bawling inside about it without showing this to my friends because this becomes womanly, and I am the one who really wishes to cry in alone. The male sense of self, can’t even let you cry what the sick rule is this? I followed it as it was and I started smiling at it, slashing inside me.

Why you are smiling and doing entire night? Aabhar questioned. (My roommate)


I kept mute and went out in balcony and dialed for a second time. This occasion it rang and she answered this call

HMMM ... this is the expression which I use to glade my throat when I found myself astounded, freeze and blank mind.

HI.  How are you?

And I asked her straight away:         Have you read those messages?

What was that, what are you up to and, what’s the surprise?           she Questioned!! 

Hey don’t think too much you will find it nice.

Where are you?  I replied !!

I am at Janakpuri for my exam.  

It was at 10 am and it’s yet not started so I am waiting outside.  She retorted !!

Can I see you today?  I asked !!

 

In the mean time, she was called inside the examination center and phone disconnected.

I still am in the same crawling within !!!!

Fingers crossed, result awaited  !!! 

And I Started Writing

It’s unerringly 5:25 of sun-up and 30 other seconds have been passed, since last night when everybody at my place have shuttered their eyes bunged up leaving me behind unaccompanied on the couch. I haven’t slept this night. The whole hours of darkness walked off like voyage from an aficionado turning to a writer puffing his cigarettes. My final for the night -29^th cigarette and I started writing.

IS IT 29^th ?

Yes it is I can count buts of each I lighted. I became chain smoker this night too as those previous ones when I tried to put in writing it.

Who cares!

What the obligation be, I am still investigating. May possibly be it’s that love which is tranquil patchy, the calamity which is their profound within me or the chronicle belligerent to be identified.  I am not in the site to substantiate. But there is something sting which craves to be exposed.

I started on the couch as of the day I saw her first then moving to me felling for some cuties and then breaking up with some of them and at this moment I am waiting for her.

HER ????????

It’s not the reason why I hadn’t slept, but the whole dark I kept thinking of her from the very first wink the time passed as scene by my eyes. I thought of all those 10 years passed how we became friends, all her seductive shrugs, her notorious tomfoolery, some sombre conversations, sharing even diminutive thing around her, almost everything which we had. I was deeply in love. Or I still am in love. Then I realised it’s been six bloody years a very long passage has been passed and we just had barely a few hours of banter in amid. Oh! It almost six years I haven’t even perceived her.

She was a princess, she still is. I always wanted to say to her, that I will care for her for rest of my life and even from behind of the blue skies. I wanted her more than my breaths. With the every second of my clock even with every beat of my heart I only had thought of her and if I will not my heart will miss myriad beats. She was the resembling sculpture of my divine goddess. I will owe her my life if she will give the only honor to call her mine. I had nothing more evocative till the time.

I loved her fervently hitherto. Thought of her like crazy yet till the date or I must go the physicist now or even previously during these passed years.

With the end of the last cigarette I did which exactly the obligation I found now of writing this and that was the stupidity I did at 4:30 this morning reminding myself all. I wanted to know the end of this journey as earliest as possible. I wanted to be free from the manacles, I always found trapped by. It’s the interview in which I have to carry out well and this will be deciding my future life, an utter chance to make my parents proud. So I sent three messages 

1à Hi

          Sorry to disturb you this time, but it was irresistible for me, so keep going through it

          FOR ME atleast !!

2à    I have four queries and a big surprise for you

          So you have to be affirmative and responsive at the same time.

Last the third one........

3à the first query

          Do you have to go to the office today, if yes then can I see you this evening for at least three hours.

      The Second Query

          If no office today then can I see you a bit earlier then evening, If not possible then tomorrow.  Rest on our meeting if it will happen

Please respond  as earliest as you notice these msgs.

And now I am encircled of many thoughts

What perception will she have of these messages? What if she starved of seeing me? What if she is not fascinated for surprise (for what girls obvious can’t resist to have)? Is she going to deem me as frantic?

All this rubbish was going through my think machine. The keenness for her replies was feasting inside my blood as the flow of oxygen in it. And the raging questions, had I done anything wrong? But the most why I did this inanity?

F... the hell!!!!

I screwed the whole thing if she is going to respond affirmative I would demise in sheer pleasure, and if she deny then my heart will sink because of the eight years wait. So the thing which will be the reason of choking is the eight years of wait and not getting her or it’s the love you waited for and can’t be completed and is not going to be in near future. I have to think over at it. The only insight I got is I need some more time (or my whole life) to be grown up. Oh it’s been six years and I haven’t seen her, oh!! my solitary love.

solitary is it??

NO answers from my inner core.

And then I found one --- others were in differing because of situations.
   

So in deepest, darkest, drizzling night I had only her with my thoughts in garbage brain and rogue heart in which she stays as it’s her finest consign to respite the whole life, Questions were burning up and were testing my balls for their tolerance. I again was feeling those butterflies within my stomach, that dipping heart in anticipation of result and vacant chest like my heart has gone in search of her. From that glint I received the very first day 10 years back in that class of venn diagram till that pledge she made casually of calling me after dinner yesterday.

She might have forgotten each and all but I am remembering even the solitary gesture she exchanged. I have dreamed her thousands or more myriad times in my future perfect life frame. Where she is kissing me with every sweetest moment, standing by my side in tough times, and blushing with my nasty moves around her with all the love she has in this beautiful humankind.

Results are still awaited from that telephonic conversation of my proposal till the replies of these sent messages and that would be conversation we optimistically will have.

I am still wishing myself luck............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

                 

                 

      

And I Started Writing

It’s unerringly 5:25 of sun-up and 30 other seconds have been passed, since last night when everybody at my place have shuttered their eyes bunged up leaving me behind unaccompanied on the couch. I haven’t slept this night. The whole hours of darkness walked off like voyage from an aficionado turning to a writer puffing his cigarettes. My final for the night -29^th cigarette and I started writing.

IS IT 29^th ?

Yes it is I can count buts of each I lighted. I became chain smoker this night too as those previous ones when I tried to put in writing it.

Who cares!

What the obligation be, I am still investigating. May possibly be it’s that love which is tranquil patchy, the calamity which is their profound within me or the chronicle belligerent to be identified.  I am not in the site to substantiate. But there is something sting which craves to be exposed.

I started on the couch as of the day I saw her first then moving to me felling for some cuties and then breaking up with some of them and at this moment I am waiting for her.

HER ????????

It’s not the reason why I hadn’t slept, but the whole dark I kept thinking of her from the very first wink the time passed as scene by my eyes. I thought of all those 10 years passed how we became friends, all her seductive shrugs, her notorious tomfoolery, some sombre conversations, sharing even diminutive thing around her, almost everything which we had. I was deeply in love. Or I still am in love. Then I realised it’s been six bloody years a very long passage has been passed and we just had barely a few hours of banter in amid. Oh! It almost six years I haven’t even perceived her.

She was a princess, she still is. I always wanted to say to her, that I will care for her for rest of my life and even from behind of the blue skies. I wanted her more than my breaths. With the every second of my clock even with every beat of my heart I only had thought of her and if I will not my heart will miss myriad beats. She was the resembling sculpture of my divine goddess. I will owe her my life if she will give the only honor to call her mine. I had nothing more evocative till the time.

I loved her fervently hitherto. Thought of her like crazy yet till the date or I must go the physicist now or even previously during these passed years.

With the end of the last cigarette I did which exactly the obligation I found now of writing this and that was the stupidity I did at 4:30 this morning reminding myself all. I wanted to know the end of this journey as earliest as possible. I wanted to be free from the manacles, I always found trapped by. It’s the interview in which I have to carry out well and this will be deciding my future life, an utter chance to make my parents proud. So I sent three messages 

1à Hi

          Sorry to disturb you this time, but it was irresistible for me, so keep going through it

          FOR ME atleast !!

2à    I have four queries and a big surprise for you

          So you have to be affirmative and responsive at the same time.

Last the third one........

3à the first query

          Do you have to go to the office today, if yes then can I see you this evening for at least three hours.

      The Second Query

          If no office today then can I see you a bit earlier then evening, If not possible then tomorrow.  Rest on our meeting if it will happen

Please respond  as earliest as you notice these msgs.

And now I am encircled of many thoughts

What perception will she have of these messages? What if she starved of seeing me? What if she is not fascinated for surprise (for what girls obvious can’t resist to have)? Is she going to deem me as frantic?

All this rubbish was going through my think machine. The keenness for her replies was feasting inside my blood as the flow of oxygen in it. And the raging questions, had I done anything wrong? But the most why I did this inanity?

F... the hell!!!!

I screwed the whole thing if she is going to respond affirmative I would demise in sheer pleasure, and if she deny then my heart will sink because of the eight years wait. So the thing which will be the reason of choking is the eight years of wait and not getting her or it’s the love you waited for and can’t be completed and is not going to be in near future. I have to think over at it. The only insight I got is I need some more time (or my whole life) to be grown up. Oh it’s been six years and I haven’t seen her, oh!! my solitary love.

solitary is it??

NO answers from my inner core.

And then I found one --- others were in differing because of situations.
   

So in deepest, darkest, drizzling night I had only her with my thoughts in garbage brain and rogue heart in which she stays as it’s her finest consign to respite the whole life, Questions were burning up and were testing my balls for their tolerance. I again was feeling those butterflies within my stomach, that dipping heart in anticipation of result and vacant chest like my heart has gone in search of her. From that glint I received the very first day 10 years back in that class of venn diagram till that pledge she made casually of calling me after dinner yesterday.

She might have forgotten each and all but I am remembering even the solitary gesture she exchanged. I have dreamed her thousands or more myriad times in my future perfect life frame. Where she is kissing me with every sweetest moment, standing by my side in tough times, and blushing with my nasty moves around her with all the love she has in this beautiful humankind.

Results are still awaited from that telephonic conversation of my proposal till the replies of these sent messages and that would be conversation we optimistically will have.

I am still wishing myself luck............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!