Sunday, February 27, 2011

awaited results part 1

Sun was now somewhere in the heart of the firmament, obviously I don’t love the Sun that much but want to mention time, It looks like literary !! My room mates stirred up till now and found me awake, not the new thing to discern about. It’s one from my customary passionate wild practices I had in me, so I was mistreated,

And me ???? I was still judging again and again those sent messages. With no statutory but emotional reason was trying to keep my mind out of it. Every transitory second was slaughtering me with most of its vigor inside that pumping machine, I have within me. Is she going to retort?? Or she is not any longer interested to even snoop me, now  believes were getting more and more negative. Is she not a morsel interested in me? .............

Bullshit!! why don’t I give her a call asking about it, if she hadn’t noticed my messages then, May be she is not going to reply me even then. The wrestling of thoughts was going harder in my mind and my balls were trailing out of restlessness and I was like pissing inside my pants. So I impatiently picked my phone and clogged, what if she denies? But still my intolerance was a lot greater than above all and I dialed 98xx9xxx65. Yes in just few days I am remembering her number though.

It connected and her phone was busy. Now!!!! So she had become aware of all the messages and didn’t respond me. All clashes within me ended, with immense heartbreak which I even heeded hard than any voice, now? She is not at all responsive as I wrote to be in one of those messages. She is not affirmative she even didn’t want me around so she is not going to reply.

I kept my phone revolving in my palms and thinking about it, precisely not thinking but bawling inside about it without showing this to my friends because this becomes womanly, and I am the one who really wishes to cry in alone. The male sense of self, can’t even let you cry what the sick rule is this? I followed it as it was and I started smiling at it, slashing inside me.

Why you are smiling and doing entire night? Aabhar questioned. (My roommate)


I kept mute and went out in balcony and dialed for a second time. This occasion it rang and she answered this call

HMMM ... this is the expression which I use to glade my throat when I found myself astounded, freeze and blank mind.
HI.  How are you?
And I asked her straight away:         Have you read those messages?
What was that, what are you up to and, what’s the surprise?           she Questioned!! 
Hey don’t think too much you will find it nice.
Where are you?  I replied !!
I am at Janakpuri for my exam.  
It was at 10 am and it’s yet not started so I am waiting outside.  She retorted !!
Can I see you today?  I asked !!
 
In the mean time, she was called inside the examination center and phone disconnected.

I still am in the same crawling within !!!!

Fingers crossed, result awaited  !!! 

Friday, February 25, 2011

And I Started Writing


It’s unerringly 5:25 of sun-up and 30 other seconds have been passed, since last night when everybody at my place have shuttered their eyes bunged up leaving me behind unaccompanied on the couch. I haven’t slept this night. The whole hours of darkness walked off like voyage from an aficionado turning to a writer puffing his cigarettes. My final for the night -29th cigarette and I started writing.
IS IT 29th ?
Yes it is I can count buts of each I lighted. I became chain smoker this night too as those previous ones when I tried to put in writing it.
Who cares!
What the obligation be, I am still investigating. May possibly be it’s that love which is tranquil patchy, the calamity which is their profound within me or the chronicle belligerent to be identified.  I am not in the site to substantiate. But there is something sting which craves to be exposed.
I started on the couch as of the day I saw her first then moving to me felling for some cuties and then breaking up with some of them and at this moment I am waiting for her.
HER ????????
It’s not the reason why I hadn’t slept, but the whole dark I kept thinking of her from the very first wink the time passed as scene by my eyes. I thought of all those 10 years passed how we became friends, all her seductive shrugs, her notorious tomfoolery, some sombre conversations, sharing even diminutive thing around her, almost everything which we had. I was deeply in love. Or I still am in love. Then I realised it’s been six bloody years a very long passage has been passed and we just had barely a few hours of banter in amid. Oh! It almost six years I haven’t even perceived her.
She was a princess, she still is. I always wanted to say to her, that I will care for her for rest of my life and even from behind of the blue skies. I wanted her more than my breaths. With the every second of my clock even with every beat of my heart I only had thought of her and if I will not my heart will miss myriad beats. She was the resembling sculpture of my divine goddess. I will owe her my life if she will give the only honor to call her mine. I had nothing more evocative till the time.
I loved her fervently hitherto. Thought of her like crazy yet till the date or I must go the physicist now or even previously during these passed years.
With the end of the last cigarette I did which exactly the obligation I found now of writing this and that was the stupidity I did at 4:30 this morning reminding myself all. I wanted to know the end of this journey as earliest as possible. I wanted to be free from the manacles, I always found trapped by. It’s the interview in which I have to carry out well and this will be deciding my future life, an utter chance to make my parents proud. So I sent three messages 
1à Hi
          Sorry to disturb you this time, but it was irresistible for me, so keep going through it
          FOR ME atleast !!
2à    I have four queries and a big surprise for you
          So you have to be affirmative and responsive at the same time.
Last the third one........

3à the first query
          Do you have to go to the office today, if yes then can I see you this evening for at least three hours.
      The Second Query
          If no office today then can I see you a bit earlier then evening, If not possible then tomorrow.  Rest on our meeting if it will happen
Please respond  as earliest as you notice these msgs.
And now I am encircled of many thoughts
What perception will she have of these messages? What if she starved of seeing me? What if she is not fascinated for surprise (for what girls obvious can’t resist to have)? Is she going to deem me as frantic?
All this rubbish was going through my think machine. The keenness for her replies was feasting inside my blood as the flow of oxygen in it. And the raging questions, had I done anything wrong? But the most why I did this inanity?
F... the hell!!!!
I screwed the whole thing if she is going to respond affirmative I would demise in sheer pleasure, and if she deny then my heart will sink because of the eight years wait. So the thing which will be the reason of choking is the eight years of wait and not getting her or it’s the love you waited for and can’t be completed and is not going to be in near future. I have to think over at it. The only insight I got is I need some more time (or my whole life) to be grown up. Oh it’s been six years and I haven’t seen her, oh!! my solitary love.
solitary is it??
NO answers from my inner core.
And then I found one --- others were in differing because of situations.
   
So in deepest, darkest, drizzling night I had only her with my thoughts in garbage brain and rogue heart in which she stays as it’s her finest consign to respite the whole life, Questions were burning up and were testing my balls for their tolerance. I again was feeling those butterflies within my stomach, that dipping heart in anticipation of result and vacant chest like my heart has gone in search of her. From that glint I received the very first day 10 years back in that class of venn diagram till that pledge she made casually of calling me after dinner yesterday.
She might have forgotten each and all but I am remembering even the solitary gesture she exchanged. I have dreamed her thousands or more myriad times in my future perfect life frame. Where she is kissing me with every sweetest moment, standing by my side in tough times, and blushing with my nasty moves around her with all the love she has in this beautiful humankind.
Results are still awaited from that telephonic conversation of my proposal till the replies of these sent messages and that would be conversation we optimistically will have.
I am still wishing myself luck............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 
                 
                 

      

And I Started Writing


It’s unerringly 5:25 of sun-up and 30 other seconds have been passed, since last night when everybody at my place have shuttered their eyes bunged up leaving me behind unaccompanied on the couch. I haven’t slept this night. The whole hours of darkness walked off like voyage from an aficionado turning to a writer puffing his cigarettes. My final for the night -29th cigarette and I started writing.
IS IT 29th ?
Yes it is I can count buts of each I lighted. I became chain smoker this night too as those previous ones when I tried to put in writing it.
Who cares!
What the obligation be, I am still investigating. May possibly be it’s that love which is tranquil patchy, the calamity which is their profound within me or the chronicle belligerent to be identified.  I am not in the site to substantiate. But there is something sting which craves to be exposed.
I started on the couch as of the day I saw her first then moving to me felling for some cuties and then breaking up with some of them and at this moment I am waiting for her.
HER ????????
It’s not the reason why I hadn’t slept, but the whole dark I kept thinking of her from the very first wink the time passed as scene by my eyes. I thought of all those 10 years passed how we became friends, all her seductive shrugs, her notorious tomfoolery, some sombre conversations, sharing even diminutive thing around her, almost everything which we had. I was deeply in love. Or I still am in love. Then I realised it’s been six bloody years a very long passage has been passed and we just had barely a few hours of banter in amid. Oh! It almost six years I haven’t even perceived her.
She was a princess, she still is. I always wanted to say to her, that I will care for her for rest of my life and even from behind of the blue skies. I wanted her more than my breaths. With the every second of my clock even with every beat of my heart I only had thought of her and if I will not my heart will miss myriad beats. She was the resembling sculpture of my divine goddess. I will owe her my life if she will give the only honor to call her mine. I had nothing more evocative till the time.
I loved her fervently hitherto. Thought of her like crazy yet till the date or I must go the physicist now or even previously during these passed years.
With the end of the last cigarette I did which exactly the obligation I found now of writing this and that was the stupidity I did at 4:30 this morning reminding myself all. I wanted to know the end of this journey as earliest as possible. I wanted to be free from the manacles, I always found trapped by. It’s the interview in which I have to carry out well and this will be deciding my future life, an utter chance to make my parents proud. So I sent three messages 
1à Hi
          Sorry to disturb you this time, but it was irresistible for me, so keep going through it
          FOR ME atleast !!
2à    I have four queries and a big surprise for you
          So you have to be affirmative and responsive at the same time.
Last the third one........

3à the first query
          Do you have to go to the office today, if yes then can I see you this evening for at least three hours.
      The Second Query
          If no office today then can I see you a bit earlier then evening, If not possible then tomorrow.  Rest on our meeting if it will happen
Please respond  as earliest as you notice these msgs.
And now I am encircled of many thoughts
What perception will she have of these messages? What if she starved of seeing me? What if she is not fascinated for surprise (for what girls obvious can’t resist to have)? Is she going to deem me as frantic?
All this rubbish was going through my think machine. The keenness for her replies was feasting inside my blood as the flow of oxygen in it. And the raging questions, had I done anything wrong? But the most why I did this inanity?
F... the hell!!!!
I screwed the whole thing if she is going to respond affirmative I would demise in sheer pleasure, and if she deny then my heart will sink because of the eight years wait. So the thing which will be the reason of choking is the eight years of wait and not getting her or it’s the love you waited for and can’t be completed and is not going to be in near future. I have to think over at it. The only insight I got is I need some more time (or my whole life) to be grown up. Oh it’s been six years and I haven’t seen her, oh!! my solitary love.
solitary is it??
NO answers from my inner core.
And then I found one --- others were in differing because of situations.
   
So in deepest, darkest, drizzling night I had only her with my thoughts in garbage brain and rogue heart in which she stays as it’s her finest consign to respite the whole life, Questions were burning up and were testing my balls for their tolerance. I again was feeling those butterflies within my stomach, that dipping heart in anticipation of result and vacant chest like my heart has gone in search of her. From that glint I received the very first day 10 years back in that class of venn diagram till that pledge she made casually of calling me after dinner yesterday.
She might have forgotten each and all but I am remembering even the solitary gesture she exchanged. I have dreamed her thousands or more myriad times in my future perfect life frame. Where she is kissing me with every sweetest moment, standing by my side in tough times, and blushing with my nasty moves around her with all the love she has in this beautiful humankind.
Results are still awaited from that telephonic conversation of my proposal till the replies of these sent messages and that would be conversation we optimistically will have.
I am still wishing myself luck............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 
                 
                 

      

Friday, February 5, 2010

╰» ℓσνє αт ιт'ѕ вєѕт................

 EK nazar main bhe...............

Hi to all of you who are interested to read it further (it looks like to be cultured as I must have to pretend this time) & also to those who are not, but intended to read this because of me of course half heartily (so the hello is).  
I am none but an aficionado of a sweet girl, which crooked out a bit stupid to me later. All you readers may think why this bullshit is narrated to you, usually every boy would have been in this site (if is straight) on this turn of verve, so I am at this juncture for you.
That was 2nd June 2002 when I was a schoolboy who had just passed his high school this summer, fewer than 70% of marks (important to state), I had never been such a mugger or book worm but had sound concepts of my subjects. Thanks to our teacher Mr. Saxena who struggled very firmly to make our ass sitting on preside over for hours,
I had to set up my studies for 11th and for that my father managed some coaching & my first coaching was going to begun, that of physics, subject which I liked most until I got sucked in that or become a dumb Romeo. Love sucks your whole studies if it comes from your class or coaching girl (normally). Let’s have turned on story. That was about 12 o’clock in that summer. My land line ranged,
Hey Ranbeer he supposed,
Hi from my side,
What about physics tuition Rahul said – As if he didn’t know that, I have to go there because our faculty was the only decent one in town for physics and my father clued-up his father I guess, but I have to retort as he is reliant on me and & will reach there only if I will go what a immense fevicol I got with me.
Let’s go together he sustained,
So are you coming with me?
Yap, fine enough, reach my place at 3:30; I replied,
For sure, I will be there Rahul, & I hang-up the call as those few minutes were like persecute for me which I can’t bear any more.
Rahul my so called friend whom I never found as one but have to pretend him so, because of my father, sorry I didn't put him in the picture. He is Hindi lecturer & chap Rahul was his colleague’s lad and my classmate too.
After that I asked my dad if he informed Mr. Yadav (his colleague) about physics tuitions he replied assenting. Rahul came at 3:45 pm as he was customary of being late and I hated that most. That was the hot and humid day of Kashipur, Oh! I forgot to tell u about my place Kashipur, it is a small town and is first plane after Kumaun hills near Nanital (the only thing to admire) but I like it like hell and why not it is my birth place. All the childhood of my small life I enjoyed there and my parents live there too. But the city is as hot as it can melt you down in the water of salt in the summer.
At 03:45 in the noon sun was at its severe. I was ready to go. I got over to Rahul
Why you are late? We have to reach their till 4, and its 3:50 already and u haven’t bought your cycle with you; what the fuck is that. How could you be so bizarre and because of you I am late on the very first day!! (as if it matters me most but I couldn’t waste the chance).
He begged; plz forgive me for this time and leave the topic.
I am also not interested in why you are late this is your habit but never mind what’s new
Why your face is glittering  I questioned;
Nothing the G.G.I.C. girls also going to join the batch; he alleged.
So what’s new is that? I asked in awfully rude tone.     
I was totally dominating him and somehow he was managing the situation by his plastic smile. We moved on my cycle and I have to bear that burden on it (Oh! Dad).
My dad, the most lovable person on earth (after my mom). He always urged to get me there where I wanted to attain in my life but in his own way. For that he used to tick off me. Many times he tried to give me bribes for being the topper but I never changed my fashion of living and captivating things so lightly. I knew that amend is the law of nature but I am a human being not nature. What a ludicrous philosophy I had. But he never left annoying.
Avas-Vikas is about 2 & half kilometers far from my dwelling and we reached there only 10 minutes belatedly. Fortunately we were only two on that day and Vibhav sir was not there. We turned out to be 12 in just six days 5 girls joined the batch Sneha Verma, Anjili & many more. The routine was good. Me & Sneha were friends from 9th class and have studied together from beginning our tutoring we shared the same school though.
Hi, hello and exchange of smiles was like daily routines and we used to chatter a bit too. She was shear sexy I ought to say, a round cut face not so blond but very sexy figure, life-sized pectus too she was a bona-fide piece. Many guys were after her.
I also was trying to put up the shutters to, but all of sudden I don’t know why Vibhav sir said this to me
Ranbeer you will come coaching at 5 with VIDYA MANDIR batch; (the most reputed inter college of Hindi Medium of town).
 I was wondering why he found me so gifted. What was so persuasive to make him such verdict? But I have to follow that because he told that first to my father so I couldn’t make any excuses. 
That batch had some fastidious girls which I had heard by some friends of mine & this thing make me scratchy sometimes those days only when I haven’t completed my work or keep count bad in tests because I was new there.
That was 17th July a Tuesday (of course I don’t remember this day just calculated it from the 20th cause this was important to me and you will come to know why? afterward). I reached there on time and acted like a whiz kid and I was a bit good really. All of those guys were crazy about lass & was the sizzling topic. You can take it for grant because this was the epoch when boys start their hound on girls and consider their beauty, charm and figure for sure. So that was a new feeling to all of us. I haven’t seen the girl yet she was lacking from the coaching for three days, but was in qualm if she is a goddess or an angle which was mock to me by Nikhil & Shikher from that batch. It’s like if I see her, I will die at the particular moment for her.
Is she a model or something or she is Urvashi or Manika?  I asked Nikhil
Just see her and you will found out who is she; he exclaimed
What the rubbish none girl I have seen yet in Kashipur. Is she doesn’t belong the town?
I was having a great obscurity which was exasperating me. That was the most inanity I had eternally faced & what the crap that was. Next two days went like agony at that place. I had gone to my college, had fun in other places with other mates like Sneha, Sania siddique & more which were with me since 9th class and I had tried both of them that is not the summit.
The day came, I had no likings about the subject which crooked out to be in those three days. The warmth was too lofty as customary. I got my dad’s scooter, I was tardy again but managed some how to attain on time, the summer was at its acute, I was like dipping in sweat. Even I had to thank my luck for that day that Vibhav sir hadn’t done with the previous batch of him otherwise all my stature would have been washed out. He was such bastered if it comes to discipline,so he  reviled the latecomers.
The previous batch was out of the room up till then, those were from my academy & I have to utter with them as if we were vanished in the Kumbh fare & haven’t met from a long decay or we have to carve up the entire life in the vein of bullshit, I ignored stopping her means to the room the girl who was nearby me.
Excuse me plz; she said.
My friend Vinod asked me to leave her way I went to aside but still haven’t gave an ogle on her. Oh! God what I had missed I can’t be so stupid so dumb I know that anon that those words would be my whole world perhaps my batch mates would be close to demise if they had got those words because the girl hadn’t exchanged a solitary gesture of interest to any of them even not a single speech too. The voice was as saccharine as honey what a bullshit I haven’t seen her hitherto then why these things will come to my intellect that was for those batch mates of course. So the girl actually was talking to me, my magic was all around. She was in thrall & I would be the happiest one. But that hadn’t occur I disregarded the girl. So stopping this crap allow me to come to the point.
In a swift I realized that I was tardy by 5 minutes the most awful thing was that sir knew that I was eminency outside the room. So all my efforts were in abortive because of that carelessness and I was claimed for a very heavy sermon for being tardy, no excuses were heard the only worst mania from which I was afraid of was going on. I was in a big jumble. I took my head down, listened all the baloney.
You are so irresponsible; the only reason of this behavior is my relations with your father I don’t know why people think akin to this manner how relations canister be the reasons, how a relation came in portrait at this time.
I will not tolerate this anymore, if you did it again I will not allow you to study here…… bla... bla ...bla. 15 minutes, how long will I have to tolerate this I was thinking, in the mean time my eyes were wondering here & there to perceive reaction on others face, apparently I was not interested to snoop him. It was going to be agonizing & my eyes stopped abruptly on a gold part of the pack. A steep exquisiteness, she was in a golden yellow salwar & kurta. Her face had the appeal of goddess Rati, the face was crimson like rose, immaculate like gold, and her hairs were on the wing in air of fan. I noticed a drop of sweat on her temple which seemed like a Perl. As a drop of dew on the rose in a winter morning. She was a existent angle in front of me, I was in thrall now profound in her allure. I was losing my sense, and the surrounding was mislaid from me I had no idea where I was and what I was doing may be I was going to be fainted, I hadn’t answered no matter which to Vibhav sir even  don’t know what he asked. I thought I had on no account seen any girl thus far. That hotness of the summer had departed my body was as frosty as hoarfrost. How striking she was or will remain in my memories at whatever time I think of that moment throughout my living. She was a waft I can’t envision any one better, I can assert that God had shattered (made worth) His whole summer vacation for this establishment. I am astound this time recitation her, my hand are shuddering what an impact that was.
I would have laid a hand on her if that table was not amid us, I know this is so dim but a truth is a truth. I heeded a sound at a sudden probing her beauty.
Where are you? Vibhav sir screeched.
Are you listening to me?
What you think yourself? Look at me.
Yes …yes sir I faltered.
I came out of delusion, plunge on the earth, and found all of them in my ambiance, still with bare where I was?
Sorry sir, keep this in mind,
What sorry you were not even listening to me. Better for you don’t repeat this again u sucked 15 valuable minutes; He proclaimed.
What he taught me that calendar day, I have no idea, but my hands were painting my notebook like an ant is dropped on it after plummeting it in ink, and it was wondering here & there on it. My eyes were on her; while she was tiring in writing, obviously she knew that I was staring her. Sorry didn’t enlighten her name yet she was DIVYA TRIPATHI. The ring master was watching this for making persuaded all his tigers hop properly from the blaze ring and sit suitably on the chair. So he noticed me doing hence. Hell off who cares.
Was that love, I was not so persuaded; if that was then I entitle it “Love at its best”. That’s why I used to hymn “EK NAZAR MAIN BHE PYAR HOTA HAI MAINE SUNA HAI……."